A few moments ago, I posted a “Front 9″ open letter to Tiger Woods to help him get back to even par on this difficult public relations course. You can see the original posting (and become a fan!) on my Stanzel Communications Facebook page.

Here’s the text from the post:

I don’t plan to use my Stanzel Communications Facebook page as a place to dish about celebrity gossip, but the epic failure of Tiger Woods and his group of advisers (which I’d think is quite large) to manage the media fallout from his driving disaster has compelled me to post my first item on the discussion board.

I’m going to pretend I’m at the public relations country club and take a bunch of quick swings at this difficult sand trap in which Tiger now finds himself. So Tiger, here’s my open letter “Front 9″ markers to you:

1) Tiger, you are a public figure. You may want to believe you can maintain privacy, but an enormous amount of your wealth is thanks to your ability to cash in on your persona. You’ve created an image through your success on the golf course and have agreed to let advertisers utilize that image frequently. Buick (interesting you weren’t driving one of their less than compelling cars in the wreck), Accenture, Nike and many other corporations pay you big money to hock their products. Tiger, you have decided to raise your profile and make yourself a public figure through that advertising.

2) If you are the center of a bad news story, it is always best to get the information out there first. If you provide the information, in an honest and complete way, it is much more likely that reporters/fans will cut you some slack.

3) Reporters will fill a vacuum. Tiger, you are one of the most recognizable sports figures (public figures) in the world. The idea that members of the news media would leave this story alone is ridiculous and naive.

4) The truth shall set you free. If you lie or mislead, you are going to be in much bigger trouble down the road. The cover up is worse than the crime. See: Watergate.

5) Don’t let the lawyers manage your public relations response. I have many attorney friends, but their job (in this case, keeping you out of potential legal jeopardy) often runs counter to a good crisis communications response. The hallmark of a good response to a crisis is openess. Helping your fans, customers or constituents understand how you plan to address an unforseen event can build credibility and trust in the long run. Tiger, you have taken the opposite approach.

6) Don’t stonewall people in positions of authority. On at least three occassions (that have been reported) when they’ve shown up at your house to gather information, you have stiffed the Florida Highway Patrol. That looks fishy and gives the impression that you do have something to hide.

7) Tiger, your cryptic statement said the rumors were “malicious and unfounded.” Which rumors, Tiger? Because you’ve said almost nothing, the list of rumors continues to get longer and longer.

8 ) Tiger, if your agent is advising a “hunker down and this will blow over” strategy, he/she should be fired. The agent’s misguided attempt at pocketbook protection is causing dramatic reputational damage to you. Projected future endorsement dollars could be vanishing at a rate only comparable to the Social Security Trust Fund.

9) First give a serious response, then humanize yourself. How? Through humor. The first interviews should get to the facts and show contrition (if applicable), but the second round can be a bit lighter. Tiger, you and Elin (if possible) should sit down first with a Barbara Walters. However, Tiger, watch out for the blindside you could get from Elin, much like the beating Mike Tyson took from Robin Givens when he was sitting on the couch next to her as she dished to Babs about what a bad person he had been in their marriage. Your second interview could be with David Letterman — someone who has, ahem, had his own issues on the homefront. Or, you could talk to Ellen. She’s got a big audience and has the ability to help people be funny about themselves. Bottom line: We’re all human. Don’t be afraid to show people you aren’t superhuman, either. Lord knows the comics are having a field day with or without you.

So Tiger, if you’d follow these nine markers, you might just be able to stay in bounds and end up with an even par for the front side. At this rate, however, you’re definitely not going to make the PR cut.

UPDATE: A wise friend of mine pointed out to me that Tiger hasn’t been with Buick since 2008. I’d guess it is because Tiger wants to be with winning brands, though that change is pre- “Government Motors.”

And she said – “Oprah really is the place Tiger (and Elin) should go for fairest treatment. She wouldn’t be as tough as Walters and her audience is huge and everyone else would use it. And Oprah is affiliated with ABC, so ABC couldn’t freak out too much over not going to Walters.”

I didn’t suggest Oprah because I thought that’d be too predictable and not serious enough, though I can certainly see the value in her reach and the treatment Mr. and Mrs. Woods would get.